So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
