i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
