All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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