I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
