none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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