Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
