my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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