the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
