Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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