You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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