i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
