oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
