Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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