Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
