you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
