Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
