Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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