If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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