You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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