There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
