so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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