If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We got so high we made milksteak
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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