it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
