Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
