I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
