FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
