Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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