I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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