Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

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(443): View more from Maryland

the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.

Fav 8 5255 2431
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(561): View more from Florida

Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.

Fav 5 1865 1204
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(425): View more from Washington

I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.

Fav 2 616 430
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(317): View more from Indiana

I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....

Fav 2 705 535
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(440): View more from Ohio

She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot

Fav 6 859 1138
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(707): View more from California

I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?

Fav 4 17 87
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(253): View more from Washington

Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?

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