We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
