So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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