I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
