Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
