Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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