1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
