You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
