I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
