I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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