Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize