Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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