its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
