My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The power of my boobs compel you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
