Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
