hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
