how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
