he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
