the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How naked do you want me to be?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
