Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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