Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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