My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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