Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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