i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize