Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
