is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
two words...techno handjob
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
