He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
