I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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