3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
