can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
