Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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