It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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