You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Two words: blizzard sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
