First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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