he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
