i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
