Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
