u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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