Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
