I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
