I just saw a hot homeless man
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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