just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize