he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
