I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize