Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
