I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
