I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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