i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
