it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
