I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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