Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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