I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
