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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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