Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
