It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
