i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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