What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we made out on top of his cat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
