I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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