you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up under a house in Key West
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
