if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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