yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
