Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
