Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
