I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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