What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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