We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
