..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
