worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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