Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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