Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
