I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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