He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
