I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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