My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
