He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
