I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
